therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
