I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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