This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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