Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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