it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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