and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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