I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
