I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
