I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
