last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize