I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize