My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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