How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
