you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
