Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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