We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
