He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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