why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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