So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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