that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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