He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
