Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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