That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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