were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
