My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
