your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
