I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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