Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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