making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
