I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
