I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
