yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
