Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
