I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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