walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
