I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
