Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
