We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You are the jesus of drinking
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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