I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
