we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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