Just took my morning after pill in the library
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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