The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
