I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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