Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
