I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
They took my balls.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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