Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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