I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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