Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Randomize
