I could have mohawked her pubes.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
