it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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