hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
