A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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