Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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