He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
