I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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