he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
