you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
