We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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