I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
