If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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