TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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