found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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