i don't like sucking hair
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
