I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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