I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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