I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
