PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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