Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
