I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
