It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
