Fine. I'll sleep in my office
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
