I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Bring me that man meat
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
