What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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