Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
